I’m starting to get the feeling that I am absolutely crazy or something! OK so just a quick run down of all the things I have going on: 3 jobs, 2 internships, volunteering and occasionally baby-sitting, oh and did I mention that I’m a full time undergraduate biology majoring student! Alright spelling it all out let’s me know that I am crazy! I’m trying to figure out how I’m going to handle all of this stuff. It’s like, every possible time slot I may have gets filled with something. I’m starting to realize it may be better to say “no”. But I can’t because I want to seize every opportunity. I do like staying busy and hate being board. I guess I’ll just have to wait and see how I handle this fun.
I swear I’m constantly reminded that I have diabetes! Today in class, my pump alarm started going off! How embarrassing! This is the first day of the semester and I really don’t know too many people in the class. The professor was going over the syllabus and my arm starts beeping. Naturally everyone looks at me, the source, and I begin to feel like a tiny ant. All those eyes, starting at my abnormality. I just can’t but feel like diabetes runs my life. I’ve been so busy lately that I forgot it was going to check when it would expire. There are so many extra precautions and extra things I have to go through so things like this don’t happen. Other diabetics and parents of diabetic children have told me that managing this, really is a job (too bad we don’t get paid for it! ).
I guess I just have to hope for the best and prepare a little better. I know life isn’t fair, but it really sucks having to deal with this extra stuff. Oh well, another day of school tomorrow. Who knows, maybe this is a good start-up conversation with a curious professor? I guess there could be a positive somewhere… I hope.
Often I hear about people who say they will not let diabetes define them. I do wonder what that means though. I mean my diagnosis of diabetes has greatly changed my life. I’ve become a dedicated T1D advocate wanting to make a difference in others lives. I want to eventually become an endocrinologist and lead a life dedicated to improving other’s lives with this disease. So in a sense, I think diabetes does define me. I think it makes me a better individual hoping to improve the lives of others.
However I do see the negative side of diabetes defining someone, including myself. Having it define you can mean, you use it as an excuse. You can let diabetes stop you in your tracks and from obtaining your goals rather than finding a way a round these problems. Don’t get me wrong, I have been guilty of this myself. I’ve used it as an excuse to not exercise. I’ve used it as an excuse to have a cookie. I’ve used it as an excuse to stay home and skip class, rather then fight through the pain of a high. In each one of these circumstances, there can always be an alternative. Too low for exercising? Suspend insulin and have an apple before going. Too low and eat a cookie? Try pineapple or banana instead. I’m guilty of making these excuses. I think most people will occasionally do the same. Everyday average people will do the same thing though. They say they can never find time to workout or that healthy eating isn’t cheap. We all use our life’s circumstances as an excuse to prevent us from reaching our goals.
In the end, I do see my diabetes as defining me. And honestly, I don’t think that as being a problem. I allow all the good things that have come from it to run my life instead of the bad. Everyone has something that has happened in their lives that make them sad and occasionally, having diabetes makes me sad. It’s apart of me though and I feel I need to embrace it! That’s why I think it does define me. I let the good define me though and I have to remember to stop the excuses.